Princesses don’t have wieners

The other night I was trying my best to get the kids to get themselves ready for a bath. I was standing in the laundry room loading the washer as Liam was getting naked in the hall right in front of the window.  Seriously, would you expect  anything less?  “Give me your clothes and I’ll put them right in the wash,” I said to him. It was about then that Lydia came walking out of the playroom with some concoction of stacked up princess toys and said “Who would like this princess cake? I need a pretty princess to eat this cake.” Of course, Liam, in just a shirt, jumps up and down expressing his desire to partake of the princess cake. “Ummmm, I think the princess should be someone who does not have their wiener hanging out,” Lydia politely protests. Chuckling I reply “Yes, traditionally princesses do not have wieners at all, but let your brother play.” She settled. And the half-naked little boy got to be the princess. 

dirty drawers

Liam took off his shorts and undies today to get ready for the bath before we even made it upstairs. Actually I think he took off all his clothes and so I was all ‘Well I guess you might as well take a bath now because getting you dressed is kinda like wrestling a live alligator and if you take a bath now I will only have to experience that one more time today.’ I told him to go put his shorts and panties (yes, we still call them that. I can’t shake it. Jared is not amused!)  in the dirty clothes. “I don’t know how,” he complained. “Um, yes you do. Go put them in the dirty clothes please.” I insisted. I made my way upstairs shortly after him and put him in the bath and Lydia in the guest shower which she is totally into lately. Except she makes me stand in the hall and leaves the curtain half open so that she can talk to me the whole time she is in there. She is slow. It takes her a long time to shower. I stand in the hall for a long time. A really long time some days. But I do love our conversations. Anyway, I assumed that Liam put his shorts and dirty little boy undies (you are welcome, babe) in the dirty clothes. News Flash. . . never assume anything. Have I not learned my lesson? Later, after I took a shower and went to get some clean underwear for myself I got a stinky surprise. The little goof put his dirty drawers in my drawer of clean unmentionables! “Liam!!! Why did you put your stinky drawers in my underwear drawer?!!?!?!?” He laughed and laughed. “Liam. Number one. That is nasty. Put your dirty drawers in the dirty clothes! And number two. Stay out of my unmentionables!” He thought he was so funny. He kept saying “Dat so funny! I’m so funny!” Boys!

Bless my heart

Lydia had a little friend’s party to go to. This was one of her best friends from pre-k and she really wanted to go. I wanted her to go. But I did not want to take her; I do not know these people.  I RSVP’d for her sake. We went. It was uncomfortable. Why am I so socially awkward sometimes? The party was amazing and beautiful and Lydia had a blast which is all that really matters. But I was a mess. There were a gazillion people there and I did not know anyone. Lots of their family, friends from the neighborhood, everyone seemed to know someone. And there I stood, looking like a dweeb. They were all drinking and having a good ol’ time. I stood in the corner holding my purse and phone, watching, and trying not to look like a complete dork. Should I talk to someone? Just stand here? Seriously, it was the longest two hours of my life! I stood there obsessing about my gawkiness. Sweating, y’all, sweating. They kept asking me if I wanted a drink. I must have looked like I needed one. I continued to politely decline. Is asking for a juice box acceptable? And just when I thought I was doing okay dwelling in the corner, people watching, Jared sends me a text. 

Let me just tell you, I have this problem of getting the giggles when I am nervous and/or at extremely inappropriate times. Funerals, weddings, church, and now in the corner of a birthday party where I know absolutely no one. Honestly, one time I had to leave the chapel at church because the person conducting slipped and said that we were going to sing “For the BOOTY of the Earth” (instead of beauty). Mature, I know. Jared and I got the giggles right before we got married when we were sitting in the quiet room. I was asked to leave a college class once when my friend and I got the giggles over something stupid. It is really not good. Now that I have prefaced that- Jared sent me this text that sent me into uncontrollable giggles. 

So, then I was the weirdo standing in the corner giggling. Good times. Lydia had a blast and Jared will attend the next party she is invited to. He can talk to anyone and makes friends with everyone. This should totally be his gig! 


Liam and Jared were in the kitchen cooking and talking when Liam told Jared “I can cwimb anyfing. I can cwimb anyfing wike spider-man”. The next time Jared turned around Liam was gone and the back door was open. He was scaling the wall.