Liam and I were in the car the other day, just the two of us. Suddenly something smelled and it was not me. I asked “Liam, dude, did you toot?” He looked at me with his eyebrows pressed together like he was totally offended and said “No, I did not and that smell is not my problem.” Alrighty then. Sorry I made the assumption.
It was time for Liam to get a haircut and he wanted Daddy to do it even though last time I cut it and it looked amazing and I didn’t even cut him once or anything! I cut it last time because the time before that Jared took him to his friend who is a black barber. He is awesome at his job and all, but we are white, like really, pasty white. And Liam looked like a goof with a straight across shave, crisp 90 degree angles shaved into his head, and a doo-rag. Too pasty for all that, I tell you. I had to beg and plead for them not to shave his initials into the side of his head. I had nightmares for days. So last time he needed a haircut I took matters into my own hands. And totally nailed it!
Actually, I take that back. At first he DID NOT want a hair cut at all. He was all whining “No, it will hurt me.” So we responded, “Liam it will not hurt you.” Then he was all “I want long hair like Goosey so that we we drive in the car with the windows down it can blow in the wind!” Seriously, y’all. That was his fight. We don’t even drive a Jeep or convertible. The wind blowing in your hair in our hippie Prius cannot be that cool! So to entice the little booger into a haircut Jared busts out a story from his glory days.
Jared, I love you, but most of your stories from when you were younger do not help our situation. Like ever. Take this story for instance. Not helpful! He was all “Liam, Buddy, I use to always cut my own hair. I am really good at it. And I cut my friends hair too all the time when I was a missionary.” I was running in from the other room screaming “JARED…..STOP TELLING THAT STORY!” Because here is the problem, Babe. The kids adore you. They still think you are the coolest (eat it up, big guy, because one day they are going to think we are both lame). They want to be just like you. See the problem. If you cut your own hair and the hair of your friends. . . I can only imagine what Liam would do. Heaven help us. I am going to start sleeping in that doo-rag just as a precaution. I could see the light in his eyes. Liam wants to cut some hair!
Liam cut a hole in his brand new shirt a few days ago with kid safety scissors, for Pete’s sake. Have you seen kids that cut their own hair? They almost always look stupid for a while. STUPID! I don’t want our kids to look stupid, so please stop glorifying cutting your own hair! Liam will do it. He will.
I have since hid all of the scissors. Just trying to keep you cool, kids.
Our dog is racist and Liam thinks that every black man is Martin Luther King. Um. . . . yeah.
Jared had a lady come over to take his blood work for our new insurance policy and when the dark lady came to the door Roxy went nuts. She acted like she was going to take the poor woman down and chew her face off! And the poor lady was not amused. Jared put her in her crate upstairs and Roxy would still not let up. That lady did her work and ran out of here like Bruce Jenner from 1976. Bless her heart. Roxy is super protective of the kids and me, but if Jared is home she is usually pretty chill. I guess not if you’re Madea! We could hear the tires burnin’ as she rounded the corner.
And Liam. Liam, Liam, Liam. Walking through the store the other day we passed a black man and he was all “Mom, wook, it’s Martin Wufer King. He’s not dead. The bad guys did not kill him.” Geez. He has done this a few times now. Good times.
S- Why are you crying?
L- Because Lydia made me hurt my big head!
Jared has been working out of town this weekend. This was our text conversation this morning.
I was a bit concerned about his consumption of chili so early in the morning. Perhaps more concerned about that than I was about his cut lip. Bless his heart!
Driving home in the car last night Liam asks “Mom, are bad guys wicked?” He has this obsession with bad guys right now. The ‘bad guys’ killed Jesus. The ‘bad guys’ killed Martin Luther King. He is super concerned about all these ‘bad guys’ lately. He has even asked me when the bad guys are going to kill us. Never, I hope. So I tried to answer his question by saying “Yes, Liam, really, really bad guys are wicked. Being wicked is being really, really bad. Like the naughtiest of naughty. Wicked people don’t care about others or Jesus.”
L- Oh, so bad guys are bad and naughty and wicked.
S- Yes, buddy, sometimes.
L- Well, I think bad guys are naughty because they do not have a sister or Daddy or Mommy.
S-Really, Bud, why do you think that?
L-Well, if they are bad guys, they don’t have a Sister and Mommy and Daddy to TRAIN them. They need one.
J- Do we train you?
L-Yep. I’m not a bad guy.
S- No, Buddy, you are a good guy, a very good guy!
I love the way his little brain works. I love all of his processing and inquisitiveness. I love his understanding of the importance of family. I love his desire to learn new things and understand the world around him. I love that I get to be his mom!