Oops. So for several months before traveling to Yellowstone I said almost daily something to the effect of “I’m not getting eaten by bears or trampled by a buffalo; I’m sleeping in the car,” half joking, but kind of serious depending on what it was like when we arrived. I figured I’d assess the situation upon arrival, but there was a great possibility that I was going to sleep with the kids in the car. I don’t love the idea of sleeping in a tent in a place where giant animals roam freely. After researching bear safety and articles about two people getting eaten by bears last year, my comments were valid, I think. But see, I should not have said these things in front of my six year old daughter because my stupidity in those comments led to this- me waking up the whole camp at 1 o’clock in the morning. I’m so fun to take camping,y’all.

I decided not to sleep in the truck because 1. We had not seen any bears & 2. The camp was crowded.  I felt reasonably safe. I mean, of all those people there, the odds of not being the one eaten by a bear were in my favor. When it was time for bed we crawled into the tent and Lydia started freaking out. She cried and begged me to take her to sleep in the truck. I held her close and told her that we were fine and to go to sleep but if she woke up in the middle of the night I’d take her to the truck. She eventually fell asleep and woke up hours later bawling. I toted her and our sleeping bags to the truck and tried to get settled. Just as we were settling down enough for me to go back to sleep I thought that I should crack the windows for air circulation. I mean, people die in hot cars, right? So I turned the key in the ignition and cracked the front windows. Good, I thought to myself, now we won’t suffocate to death. Although it was cold out so I think we would have been okay with the windows up. Right? Just as I laid down again Jared came to the window to check on us. Why are the windows cracked? He asked. After my whole people suffocate and die in cars spiel, he convinced me that it was safer with the windows up since the coolers were in the car per camp rules as to not attract the bears we were essentially hiding from. That’s when I spotted a bag of trail mix in the seat pocket. Trail mix with dried berries and stuff that seemed a bear’s dream.  So Jared opened the front door to put it in the cooler which then wafted a strong scent of hot dogs into the cab. Now the windows for sure had to go up. Hot dogs were surely going to bring the bears out! But I guess at some point I used the key fob to lock the doors from the inside and so when I went to turn the key in the ignition to put the windows up the alarm went off.  This was not our truck. Neither one of us could get the dumb thing to turn off. I was flipping out and threw the keys to Jared and ducked into the back seat. I’m fun to camp with and I’m really good in bad situations. Win, win! The alarm blared for at least five full minutes before we got it turned off. I woke up the entire camp at 1:00 A.M. My mother-in-law who was sleeping in a hammock dangling between two trees in Yellowstone (not all afraid of being eaten by bears- obviously) acted like she did not know us. The line to the bathroom after I so graciously woke up camp was wrapped around the building. The death stares we got after sunrise still pierce my soul. So anyone want to go camping with us? We’re lots of fun!


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