It was time for Liam to get a haircut and he wanted Daddy to do it even though last time I cut it and it looked amazing and I didn’t even cut him once or anything! I cut it last time because the time before that Jared took him to his friend who is a black barber. He is awesome at his job and all, but we are white, like really, pasty white. And Liam looked like a goof with a straight across shave, crisp 90 degree angles shaved into his head, and a doo-rag. Too pasty for all that, I tell you. I had to beg and plead for them not to shave his initials into the side of his head. I had nightmares for days. So last time he needed a haircut I took matters into my own hands. And totally nailed it!
Actually, I take that back. At first he DID NOT want a hair cut at all. He was all whining “No, it will hurt me.” So we responded, “Liam it will not hurt you.” Then he was all “I want long hair like Goosey so that we we drive in the car with the windows down it can blow in the wind!” Seriously, y’all. That was his fight. We don’t even drive a Jeep or convertible. The wind blowing in your hair in our hippie Prius cannot be that cool! So to entice the little booger into a haircut Jared busts out a story from his glory days.
Jared, I love you, but most of your stories from when you were younger do not help our situation. Like ever. Take this story for instance. Not helpful! He was all “Liam, Buddy, I use to always cut my own hair. I am really good at it. And I cut my friends hair too all the time when I was a missionary.” I was running in from the other room screaming “JARED…..STOP TELLING THAT STORY!” Because here is the problem, Babe. The kids adore you. They still think you are the coolest (eat it up, big guy, because one day they are going to think we are both lame). They want to be just like you. See the problem. If you cut your own hair and the hair of your friends. . . I can only imagine what Liam would do. Heaven help us. I am going to start sleeping in that doo-rag just as a precaution. I could see the light in his eyes. Liam wants to cut some hair!
Liam cut a hole in his brand new shirt a few days ago with kid safety scissors, for Pete’s sake. Have you seen kids that cut their own hair? They almost always look stupid for a while. STUPID! I don’t want our kids to look stupid, so please stop glorifying cutting your own hair! Liam will do it. He will.
I have since hid all of the scissors. Just trying to keep you cool, kids.